“If something doesn’t make you feel right.
Does It Make You Feel Good? Lyrics by Confidence Man
Does it make you feel, does it make you feel good? (Good, good, good)
Does it make you feel good?
Does it make you feel right?”
I wanted to put this journal together because new and fabulous habits, or as I like to call them “Micro PC Rituals” are a really positive thing that have come out of all the modifying that I have been doing and I wanted to share some of my fabulous new “Micro PC Rituals” and the steps I have taken to make them stick. As I have said in several of the other journals when you are modifying so much of ‘what you have always done’ it can feel like you are missing out. When your mind wanders to FOMO it is important to step back and take a good look at the habit and ask yourself when did that particular behaviour form and Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel right?”. If the answer is no, you need to change it, if it is yes, then perhaps you need to increase it.
We all have rituals, habits, behaviours, and routines. Some good and some no so good. They happen without us even thinking about them, and they are the building blocks that form our days and lives, around 80% of what we do in a day is habitual. For example, we wake up, brush out teeth, splash our face and start our day. Our routines are the way we eat, sleep, travel, exercise, meditate, relax, engage with family, friends, and others, they are how we manage our work, life costs, holidays, and traditions. Our rituals inform who we are and how we show up in our lives every day and some rituals can become outdated and detrimental to our wellbeing, especially during Meno.
While there was a common belief that that the brain became fixed after a certain age, newer research has revealed that the brain never stops changing in response to learning. So as we start new rituals, routines and habits and experience new activities, adventures and form new friendships we can continue to develop our neural networks. This is known as neuroplasticity. Neuro refers to neurons, the nerve cells that are the building blocks of the brain and nervous system and Plasticity refers to the brain’s malleability or ability to change. Together Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to change, reorganize, or grow neural networks.
Like all good things, positive rituals and habits take time, conscious effort, and repetition and they don’t naturally provide immediate reward. What I mean, is the not so good habits that provide a momentary spark of reward, such as a sneaky chocolate in the afternoon, instead of a carrot or a piece of fruit, where you get an immediate sugar hit; the extra glass of wine at the end of a hard day, instead of a calming tea or bath, takes the edge off; a quick fix with fast food, instead of preparing a delicious and nutritious meal, might be cheaper, easy and initially satisfying; or staying up late to binge on a streaming channel, instead of going to bed, reading a book, and going to sleep on time, because you feel entertained. If you think about it, we are wired to take the easy option and in a lot of cases the first habit described above comes naturally to you, while the second takes constant practice and reminders and even then, can be easily broken, because a good habits reward takes time.
So here are my top 3 tips about how to form new and fabulous habits and ‘Micro PC Rituals’ and some examples of what I have achieved following this process.
1. You need to have a dream about your ideal state, who you want to become, an awareness of what it is you would like to change and why and an understanding of what your base line is.
You should ask yourself am I updating old behaviours or creating brand new ones. Make a list of the habits you like and the ones you don’t and paint a good visual picture about what you want and why. Think about factors that will hold you back, like the cost, or your time, are you mentally prepared and do you have the skills, environment, and support to succeed? What are your natural preferences that you need an alternative for in advance of a situation. Once a habit is formed, they save our mind energy and can improve our ability to make important decisions, but as we are trying to form them and make them stick, we need to be prepared for the unexpected or more importantly the familiar.
2. Put a design in place for how you are going to reach your ideal state. Break it down into small steps, that mean you can tick of milestones as you achieve them. And share what you are doping with as many people as you can, even bring others on board.
Having a plan gives you a clear direction and sharing your plan with others means you are not only accountable to yourself, but you are more committed to succeed and show others you can do it. If you have the space use post-it notes and write out each step you think you need to take towards your ideal state and then put them up on the wall, where you can see them and where you can add to them or change them easily. If you are like me, you will want to tick off the steps as you do them, so you can visually see your action moving you in the direction you are aiming for.
Another great tool to have in your kit is to form your new ritual with someone else. Socializing the experience is an important skill to develop in building neuroplasticity, as it provides opportunities for focused attention, competition, and novelty and will stimulate positive changes in the brain. In addition, you can provide each other support, share the struggles, opportunities, and celebrations.
Meno modifications and new ritual forming is all about taking small baby steps, making little adjustments, and not biting off more than you can chew, but at the same time, trusting yourself, knowing that you are resilient, you will keep moving forward and grow.
3. Keep building momentum by maintaining and exceeding your process, reflect often on how far you have come and always remember your motivation, why you are doing what you are doing.
The saying practice makes perfect! That is the essence of habit forming. But coming from the perspective of a recovering perfectionist, practice just needs to make your best! Doing your new habit or ritual so many times that you don’t even think about doing it, is where you want to end up. Keeping a record of what you are doing or how you did it is a fabulous motivation tool, because it allows you a sense of achievement and personal accountability. You might do this in a journal, or you could mark things on a calendar in your kitchen (where others can see it too!), or if it is exercise or meditation related you will most likely have an app that you can use to track yourself.
Your motivation should be personal and meaningful to you and aligned to your personal ideal state and values. By aligning your new behaviour to you core self or desired self will make it easier to stay focused and achieve your goals and ritual changes.
My new habits!
I have a few and these are scattered throughout the journals, but I am going to give you a series that have all culminated into a fabulous new micro positively charged ritual, that I do every Sunday morning.
It started with me realising that I had reverted to wearing only black and grey. It was little wonder then, that this is how I was feeling in my head, not to mention feeling invisible to everyone. I wanted to feel happy and to be seen in the world. So, I started by wearing a white t-shirt, then I got a radical cap that is ultra colourful. I have since migrated to bright pants, jumpers, and a delicious red wool coat for winter. I felt much better wearing colour, and people started saying hello to me in the street. Amazing! I don’t wear black anymore.
Then I stopped drinking the way I was. First it was not drinking on a Friday night after work and replacing that with a mint tea. Then it was not drinking on a Saturday night, which also meant not going out and socialising. Drinking was not working for me anyway; it was a habit that had become detrimental, so that change was easier that it sounds. I needed to focus on my sleep hygiene, which I did, I love an early night if I am completely honest. And importantly I really wanted more time at the beach. I used to have my father drive me to the beach as a kid, several times a week, just so I could feel calm and as an adult I share the love of the ocean with my husband. I realised I was not going to the beach enough and that it needed to change, for me to find the calm and flow.
So, in the middle of winter, with Lucky, I started doing early morning walks on the beach after a good night’s sleep and wearing a full colour ensemble! The first one was cold and windy and a bit grey, but there is nothing more invigorating than being on the sand early, wind in your hair and seeing all the happy puppies playing without a care in the world! That first week I did think maybe I needed a different reward, but the next week there were no clouds and while it was still fresh it was beautiful, and I noticed people swimming between the jetties. Awesome I thought! The following week I saw a pod of dolphins, the week after that a seal and by the 4th week I had made several connections with people doing the same thing as me, I mean how can you not talk to someone as bright as me and Lucky is the happiest most playful Russel Terrier you will ever meet, so she instantly made fur friends!!!
As the weather improved and it got a bit warmer, I invited some friends, who I had not been seeing at night. They loved it, although did protest the time I said for them to meet me, however after the walk they could see why I had made this a priority. I persevered; I marked it on my calendar. I told lots of people and now it is a commitment that I make about feeling positively charged. I go to bed early on Saturday night, I have my clothes ready, tea ready to pour in my thermos and Lucky’s bed packed in the car the night before. I am going out again on a Saturday night, but this walk on Sunday morning is the most important thing of my weekend. I have prioritised this habit over others, so that we are rewarded with sparkly mornings, blue skies, and blue water for was far as the eye can see. I feel like I have been bathed in blue. I am calm and it sets the remainder of my Sunday and week ahead with the intention of positivity and an energetic flow.
In summary……
It has taken about five months of slowly introducing colour back to my wardrobe. It was just a piece at a time and about the same to get to the point that I just know I am on the beach before 7am on a Sunday morning with Lucky. But it is fabulous!
I have touched on it above, but that is, your habit does not have to be perfect. We are not perfect, but if you focus on your desired outcome, really visualise the where and why you want to achieve something you can bring positively charged energy into your life. Meno is about change, feeling enlightened and empowered, so just try replacing or upgrading an old habit that is no longer working with a new fabulous one that will keep you learning, growing, and discovering.
Find the joy and focus on that and your new Micro PC Ritual will surely stick with you for a long time!