In this section I want to bring you stories from around the globe and Australia that promote positive Menopause changes, healthy aging, and women’s aging advocates and or any outstanding demonstrations of women gently giving the middle finger to society norms.
There are a 1,000,000,001 Reasons why I am going to keep talking about this and I know I did a post on Socials, but I really want to unpack this a little further, as to why I love it so much and what it means for all of us…….and that is Gillian Andersons Vulva dress from the Golden Globes.
I feel like it is also very relevant given that I opened the Hot Like Me section on GUSM. What Gillian Anderson has done in my eyes is a such a beautiful protest. I couldn’t include in the Instagram post all the things I wanted to say!!! FYI, I have not been on Social Media for 7 years. I have my training wheels on, and I hope that you think I am doing OK!
Vagina, Vulva, Pussy, Box, Fanny, Beaver, Muff, Yoni, Minge, Punani…….and the list goes on! If you want to have a look at a more comprehensive list, check this one out
So why is Gillian Anderson wearing a dress that’s embroidered all over with vulvas, in her own words………”For so many reasons“.
When I grew up anything to do with your ‘private parts’, well, was private! We never spoke about anything to do with sex when I was growing up. We were also not a family that hugged or said I love you. As a young woman I was taught that it was dirty to touch yourself, you should never look at yourself down there. You certainly didn’t let anyone else look at you either. You saved yourself for a man, preferably a special one and someone that would provide financially for you. You should do what your man asks and when he asks for it. You certainly didn’t have a vagina for your own sexual pleasure. Oh! No! only dirty girls do that! And heaven forbid a teenage pregnancy, my god the shame you would bring on your family and yourself!
Normally we would only see a vagina in porno. I mean that is where it belongs right, at the behest of a huge penis, being attacked at all angles!!! Have you ever noticed how you never see any vulvas in cinema or anywhere else for that matter. Yet it is our vagina (well other reproductive bits too) that is literally creating the world. So why do we feel so bloody ashamed of them and why is it so hard for us to talk about anything that goes on with them?? This is why I love what Gillian Anderson has done, because she has brought it out in the open in a way that is so on point. It is about time we get out Vulvas out (perhaps not literally!) and start discussing them. We need to stop feeling ashamed about our bits, it is our body! Our continued shame is hurting not only us, but the generations that come after us.
The “shame” has very deep roots, as far back as the Greek father of medicine, Hippocrates, referring to the Vulva as “the shame parts” and Andreas Vesalius in 1500’s France, referring to our clitoris as “membre honteux”, translating to “shameful member”. Did you know that the word “Vagina” is derived from the Latin word for a “sheath”, as in “a cover into which a knife or sword fits”. Thanks to the historic patriarchy our vagina only ever seems to be described in terms of shame or related to making babies (and holding a penis [aka the sword]!).
You may have noticed that I added a book to the website by Jane Caro, Accidental Feminists. This book has helped me to understand so many things about the women that have come before me, including my mother. The book is terrifying and liberating and will make you angry and happy all at the sometime! However, in her book Jane articulates part of the reason we are made to feel ashamed in more modern times, well certainly in hers and my mothers’ generations and it is to do with the freedom that the pill gave us. The ability to ‘enjoy’ sex with out consequences. OMG! Imagine that! However, this does not wash well with the patriarchy when what they want is to control us. We are not allowed to be out of control, that is just not what good girls do right. Imagine the fear of some men at that time when you could have financial freedom, by having a job and earing your own money and then being able to have the pill!!
Dr Jen Gunter also discusses modern shame in her piece for the New York times in 2017, ‘My Vagina Is Terrific. Your Opinion About It Is Not. I dared to discuss my anatomy. Men couldn’t handle it.’ She describes that ‘I know that many other women have had their vaginas explained to them. I have listened to women with completely normal exams weep that they have been told that they do not smell or taste correctly. That they are too wet, or too loose, or too gross. These women all shared something: They were told these things by men. While I admit this is anecdotal data, my years of listening to secret shame about healthy vaginas and vulvas seems to suggest it is largely, if not entirely, male partners who exploit vaginal and vulvar insecurities as a weapon of emotional abuse and control. You can read this incredibly insightful article here
It is little wonder as women we struggle to articulate what we want sexually, and worse still that for many young Australian women their first sexual experience is violent. If you haven’t watched it, please watch ‘Asking For It’. The documentary, presented by Jess Hill on SBS: https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/tv-series/asking-for-it. So, by the time we get to Meno and you add all this shame and insecurity, thinking something is wrong with your vulva, Meno hits! Things start changing, we are not sure what is going on, or even how to describe it. During Meno it is not just your vagina that is impacted by reducing estrogen and collogen, it is your vulva, bladder, urethra, your libido, your relationships, and mental health, amongst other things as I have outlined above.
I have a Bianca! Well not quite, but of the soap molds you could purchase as you ‘exited through the gift shop’ at MONA this is what I ended up with after seeing “The Great Wall of Vagina”. McCartney was inspired to create this work because of the rise “body fascism”, basically the world dictating the way women’s vaginas should look, through cosmetic surgery, and the industry set up to persuade women that we are defective. He explains that messages coming from plastic surgeons that you are defective if you don’t have a child-like (vulva) is ridiculous. Of the 400 casts done as part of this work, only about 5 per cent meet that ‘perfect’ ideal. We are not defective. Our vulvas are as unique as our fingerprints. I personally did not even realise I was looking at vulvas, so when I realised, I had the shock of my life. That is how unacquainted I was with myself back then.
Another organisation inspired to ‘show you mine, if you show me yours’, was Women’s Health Victoria. In 2012 after increasingly hearing that women were going in for female genital cosmetic surgery, because they thought they had something wrong with them, created The Labia Library. Anyone can have a look at the photos and see that like any other part of the body, women’s vulvas come in all shapes and sizes. You can see it here
Unfortunately, because this is still such a taboo topic many women do not get the care they need, don’t feel comfortable discussing sexual concerns, don’t realise changes down there are Meno related, others think that treatment options are not available, and if you are one of the few courageous women that put your hand up and reach out for help you may find yourself being dismissed. If you wanted someone to speak with about any changes happening for you, reach out, I am hear to listen and guide you.
So, thank you Gillian Anderson for putting this beautiful and wonderous part of our anatomy on display in the unique, beautiful, layered, and delicate way that you have. Because that is what our vulva is, unique, beautiful, layered, and delicate!